You Can't Win Them All
by alynwa
Summary: Originally written for Picfic Tuesday Challenge on LJ. Napoleon and Angelique have a conversation on the beach. The picture to the left is the prompt.


"You know, _Cherie_ , that I adore you, but this conversation is becoming, how do you say? Oh yes, _quite tedious!_ Make yourself useful please, Napoleon; I feel like my back is about to burn. Be a dear and put this suntan lotion on for me."

"Of course," Napoleon said as he took the tube from Angelique. He sat on the edge of her chaise lounge, squeezed some lotion into the palm of his hand and began to slowly rub it into her back above and below her bikini top. "Imagine my surprise to see you here in Bora Bora. Just when I thought the scenery couldn't get any more beautiful, there you were, enjoying a drink at that bar looking like a cool breeze on a hot day."

Angelique flipped over and removed her sunglasses to look at her nemesis and sometime lover. She allowed her eyes to drink in how casually elegant he looked in a short – sleeved cream – colored linen shirt, matching linen slacks, sandals and sunglasses. Her trained eyes also caught sight of the ankle holster holding a small caliber pistol. It didn't surprise her; she herself had her weapon secured to the inside of the straw hat she was wearing. " _Merci._ What a lovely thing to say, though I don't believe for one moment you were surprised. You're here to abscond with Dr. Shirakawa. I know you are, Darling, don't deny it any longer. And like I've already told you, Napoleon, I'm _not_ telling you where to find him." She gazed up and down the beach and looked back at her companion. "Where is that little gnome of yours, anyway?"

"If you're referring to my partner, Illya should be…" he checked the time on his watch, "just about finished securing your nuclear physicist for transport off the island." He reached over to the table next to her chaise and helped himself to her glass of white wine. As he took a sip, he said smugly, "I always enjoy spending time with you, _Cherie_ , but this time, it was my job to spend time with you and keep you occupied."

Angelique sat up, drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. Leaning forward to place her cheek against her knees, she smiled at Napoleon and purred, "What a coincidence. _My_ job was to distract you, too." She reached over and took her glass back from the now stunned looking UNCLE agent. "Mission accomplished, I think."

Just then, Napoleon's communicator began to chirp. "Better answer it, Darling, it may be important."

Quickly assembling the device, he turned it on. "Solo."

"It is I. I am sorry to report that I have failed, Napoleon. When I arrived at Dr. Shirakawa's location, a THRUSH managed to ambush me and render me unconscious. By the time I came to, I was alone. I have no idea where the doctor has gone."

"I can help with that," Angelique piped up, "Robert and he were picked up by a helicopter and flown to a ship." She mimicked Napoleon checking his watch. "They should just now be arriving."

"Is that creature I am hearing Angelique?"

" _Da, Illyusha,_ " she replied sarcastically, knowing how affronted the Russian would be to hear her use a familiar form of his name, "I imagine he did not formally introduce himself, but the man who bested you is my partner, Robert."

"Napoleon, I will meet you at the appointed place later. Kuryakin out." The CEA marveled that the beach on which he sat did not freeze from the ice in his partner's voice.

"So, what now, Angelique?" 

"I don't know about _you,_ but my job is done. My reward is that I'll be staying here awhile longer. I understand your Mr. Waverly is not a fan of failure. Good luck with your meeting with him."

"And what makes you think I'm not going to bring you in for interrogation?"

She laughed and leaned it to give him a quick kiss. "Because my job was to distract you while my partner waylaid yours. And by the way, as much as I dislike that skinny Russian, I told Robert not to kill him. I am not quite ready to give you up as a bedmate, yet. I have no idea where the good doctor is headed. My job was to make sure he got off this rock. You can take me to any UNCLE facility you want, give me any veridical you have, but you will get the same answer I'm giving now: I know nothing beyond what I've already told you."

He didn't want to, but Napoleon knew she was telling him the truth. Sighing loudly, he rose and said, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day. This just happened to be THRUSH's day to get it right. I concede the field to you. This time. Until we meet again, Angelique."

An hour later, he was with Illya in their hotel room. As expected, Mr. Waverly had been less than thrilled to hear that UNCLE had missed its chance to acquire that particular asset. He had borne the tongue lashing wordlessly, taking full responsibility for the failure, signaling Illya to remain quiet when he wanted to speak.

"I understand, Sir. I am sorry. I will give you my full report when I return to New York."

Illya glared at the CEA until Mr. Waverly ended the transmission. "Why did you not tell him that I was the one who allowed THRUSH to take the scientist?'

"Because, Partner Mine, I am the CEA; every agent's failure is ultimately my failure. Don't worry though, we will meet Robert and Angelique again and we will prevail. I put our partnership ahead of Angelique's anytime."

"So do I. We will see them again and we will prevail."


End file.
